Date:	2004-08-01 21:46
Subject:	ALERT!
Security:	Public
Mood:	apathetic

This was gonna be a secret, but what the hell.

I've needed to write this down for months now. It's getting tiring holding all of this in. I just wanna cry about it all and start over. I'd rather be a dog.

I feel like my life ended and I'm walking through a bizarre excuse for hell. I flunked out of college again. Because of one class.

My final grade was a "B" in the one class that dragged me down, but due to 5 classes I missed my professor lowered my grade to a D. And for all the time I've wallowed on over this, it occurs to me that he has the right. 5 classes = 5 weeks. One class a week. But my final grade was supposed to be a B, goddammmmmit.

I'm sick of trying towards anything. I think about suicide, but that's a selfish cop-out. I do know that much. Besides, for all I know what comes after death for me is worse than this.

The worst part of where I'm at is dissappointing everyone that cares about me. What would be the difference between now and if I REALLY died? Answer me that, bastard life.

I'd rather slip into a coma for the rest of my life than do ANYTHING now. I'm a failure. And I'm always tired. No body likes me. I don't like me. I can't even call my own parents for comfort. They'll just make me feel worse. I'm so lonely and I feel helpless.

Having said all of that, I wouldn't wanna forget how broke and in debt I am. Our phone has been shut off for months because of how irresponsible and worthless I am. And every paycheck I say I'm gonna fix it and then I always end up not able to afford it.

I wanted to go to school to be a filmmaker, and now that's just a joke that everyone but me is laughing at. I've been in college for over 4 years and I have nothing to show for. I often dream of going back and starting over. Beggining with 9th grade. I'd do it all differently.

I fucking hate everything except for sleep, music, soda, cigarettes, and movies. How stupid is that? All I wanted was to get smart, get the fuck out of college, get a nice job, and get the hell out of this life I have now. I hate the idea of me having the job I have now for the rest of my life.

I'm gonna go cry and welcome death. Fuck.

Date:	2004-07-22 14:29
Subject:	12 Rods are Breaking Up
Security:	Public
Mood:	grumpy

One of my top ten favorite bands just so happens to be local to the Metro area, and now they are breaking up. *sobs*

Their last show...

I have been so stressed about money, grades, and being lonely lately that I've barely done a shred of anything creative.

Tonight stickthelizard (Sarah) came over after we got off of work. We were going to go to the Ministry of Information (horror movie night) finale, but then she showed me [this]. masonbutler, god fucking bless you. Your song "canned kitty en francais" is going to be on repeat in my iTunes player for....well...until it's not. But WTF?! Crazy good shit here, kids. Check it out. Mister Density all the way.

I had the biggest mental knot a half hour ago and now.....I'm just fucking intoxicated by this music/noise.

I've met the guy that does this shit a few separate times, and I knew he was cool, but this is fucking rediculous. No one is THIS cool. Mighty fucking fuck.

Date:	2004-05-11 21:12
Subject:	One day I'll have the coolest apartment all to myself.
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated
Music:	the cars - candy-o

I'm extremely tired of not having total privacy. All that stands between me and hooligans drunkenly playing video games in the next room is a thin curtain and whatever music I try to drown them out with. It was fine for a while because there weren't people in our living room 24/7, but now it's next to impossible to have a minute TO MYSELF without getting up and leaving the house.

I'm not sure how it ended up getting to me.

I think Clint and I need to agree upon having people over from now on. Since there are no doors to my bedroom. Or my "office" area.

But the rent is cheap. And Clint is my best friend usually.

Date:	2004-05-05 23:08
Subject:	If, on your journey, you should encounter God... God will be cut.
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	world 7 - level 2

Date:	2004-05-05 13:26
Subject:	Top 50 Worst Pop Songs: WORST LIST EVER
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

Blender Magazine's Top 50 Worst Pop Songs

(Bold those songs you actually like)

Stolen from 433

1. We Built This City ... Starship
2. Achy Breaky Heart ... Billy Ray Cyrus
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight ... Wang Chung
4. Rollin' ... Limp Bizkit
5. Ice Ice Baby ... Vanilla Ice
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll ... Huey Lewis and the News
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy ... Bobby McFerrin
8. Party All the Time ... Eddie Murphy
9. American Life ... Madonna
10. Ebony and Ivory ... Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
11. Invisible ... Clay Aiken
12. Kokomo ... The Beach Boys
13. Illegal Alien ... Genesis
14. From a Distance ... Bette Midler
15. I'll Be There for You ... The Rembrandts
16. What's Up? ... 4 Non Blondes
17. Pumps and a Bump ... Hammer
18. You're the Inspiration ... Chicago
19. Broken Wings ... Mr. Mister
20. Dancing on the Ceiling ... Lionel Richie
21. Two Princes ... Spin Doctors
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) ... Toby Keith
23. Sunglasses at Night ... Corey Hart
24. Superman ... Five for Fighting
25. I'll Be Missing You ... Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112
26. The End ... The Doors
27. The Final Countdown ... Europe
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland ... John Mayer
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's ... Deep Blue Something
30. Greatest Love of All ... Whitney Houston
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm ... Crash Test Dummies
32. Will 2K ... Will Smith
33. Barbie Girl ... Aqua
34. Longer ... Dan Fogelberg
35. Shiny Happy People ... R.E.M.
36. Make Em Say Uhh! ... Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal
37. Rico Suave ... Gerardo
38. Cotton Eyed Joe ... Rednex
39. She Bangs ... Ricky Martin
40. I Wanna Sex You Up ... Color Me Badd
41. We Didn't Start the Fire ... Billy Joel
42. The Sounds of Silence ... Simon & Garfunkel
43. Follow Me ... Uncle Kracker
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) ... Meat Loaf
45. Mesmerize ... Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
46. Hangin' Tough ... New Kids on the Block
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You ... Bryan Adams
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da ... The Beatles
49. I'm Too Sexy ... Right Said Fred
50. My Heart Will Go On ... Celine Dion

Just who the fuck do these guys think they are dissin The Doors, Huey MOTHERFUCKIN Lewis and the MATHERFUCKIN News, and THE BEATLES?!!! WTF?!

Date:	2004-05-05 12:51
Subject:	I am gonna seriously miss Albert.
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	some enon beeps and boops

Last night was a bundle of unforseen fun.

I finished my last paper a few minutes to 5 when it was due in my professors inbox. I then waited around for a reply from her so I knew she got it. I went downtown to see about a grade, came home, and proceeded to sit, smoke, and look at pictures of robots.

Around 7:30 Albert called. He asked if I wanted to go to his brothers show with him. I did of course so we planned our meet. After showering and whatnot he came and got me, we went out to Taco Bell Snelling, and ate our head weight in tacos. Albert and I have always done this for as long as I can remember. We go to Taco Bell, eat lots, share a drink, and talk life, girls, and comics till I need a cigarette and we leave.

This is the order of things.

And now he's leaving for CA in August. Yeah sure, we have the whole summer to gallavant and conspire, but I am realizing again just how much I love him and will miss him when he's gone.

The Phuong You Norway show was unexpectedly beautiful. Albert's brother, Phuong, played at least 50 songs and really had me grooving most of the time he was up there. He covered Across the Universe By the Beatles and 99 Red Balloons and played so many gorgeous songs he'd written himself that I most definitely HAVE TO get his cd now.

After the show Al and I went back to his place and chilled for a bit. He showed me his life for the past 3 years in pictures and really made me wish we'd been closer.

His new comic [The Painted War #3] is fucking badass too, by the way.

Here is a page. (below)

Date:	2004-05-04 18:45
Subject:	schools out for the summer!
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	the cure

The spring semester is finally over. Hell yeah. Now I have more time to write than ever. I gotta get this screenplay done that I'm working on. Now that I have Final Draft 6 typing it up is a breeze, but I can't decide if I wanna leave it as a screenplay or make it into a comic/graffic novel.

Clint and I watched Star Trek TNG this afternoon. The epsode where everyone is drunk and Data gets laid. It was the funniest Star Trek episode EVA! Seriously.

The other day I bought the Quimby the Mouse book. It is by far the most intricate graffic novel I've ever seen. It's gonna take me a while to finish reading it. Luckily it's not all one story though. I can put it down an not read it for another week without disorientation.

I'm lonely. I need to find someone this summer.

n 1: a state of extreme confusion and disorder [syn: pandemonium, bedlam, topsy-turvydom, topsy-turvyness] 2: the formless and disordered state of matter before the creation of the cosmos 3: (Greek mythology) the most ancient of gods; the personification of the infinity of space preceding creation of the universe [syn: Chaos]

Date:	2004-05-03 15:27
Subject:	This is neato.
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	bjork - heirloom

I saw jehnidiah do this.

Grab the nearest book.

1. Open the book to page 23.
2. Find the fifth sentence.
3. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

'"You have made me want this," I said, raising my hands, and seeing your eyes were dazzled by my crystaline fingernails, in spite of the soot.'

Pandora by Anne Rice

Date:	2004-05-03 00:03
Subject:	my luck sucks
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

crowe and pantsmanticore are watching TV and giggling merely 8 or 9 feet away from me. I sure am glad that I have awesome fucking headphones and enough Jesus & Mary Chain to last me through the night.

So a few days ago I got a Friendster invitation from the first Elle Magazine girl. The one I met at the U and took to the Dismemberment Plan show. WTF?!

The last time I got an email from her I replied that we ought to get together sometime. She replied that she would but in a few days she was going to London or something. "She'll be back." I thought.

So after the Friendster invite I made my request again.

Now she's moving to LA in a day.

But if that doesn't suck enough, she's moving there for a screenwriting internship. A FUCKING SCREENWRITING INTERNSHIP. As if she couldn't get any hotter or cooler.

Fuck. I need some Smiths now.

Here's a quiz I took. I've never heard of this book until now. ( Read more... )

Date:	2004-04-27 15:22
Subject:	"you look like some kind of hipster now" -Clint
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	SMB3 - world 4 map music

I shaved most of the beard off. I now have a goatee thing. And new Georgio Armani transitions glasses. I am sex. They turn into sunglasses when I go outside. It's fucking MAGIC!

Today Jerred and I are loafing in the best way: Pizza + Beer + Super Mario Bros. 3 + many cigarettes = couch potato central.

I do have to go to school eventually today, but I only have a rough draft due, so that'll only take me 45 minutes to do, meaning I can vedge till around 5pm. Boo-yah.

There was this SNL thing on VH1 this morning and they showed when Talking Heads played SNL way back whenever. It was awesome.

I long for Deep Space Nine. Gimme.

Date:	2004-04-25 14:36
Subject:	I am the quintessential geek now
Security:	Public
Mood:	morose

Yesterday my buddy Dank took me to Big Brain comics after work. I bought the first Lone Wolf & Cub book, Optic Nerve #9, and some Bureau For Paranormal Research and Defense (Hellboy) stationary.

Then last night I fell asleep with my glasses on.

Around 4 or 5am I rolled over and felt something snap under my elbow. I looked to see what it was and discovered my glasses had divided, broken right in the middle of the nosepiece.

This morning I taped them together and now look like an extra from Revenge of the Nerds. I'd post a picture but I loaned out my digital camera.

I feel rediculous. At least I'll have something to read at work tonight.

And I'll finally be able to get new glasses. I've needed a new perscription for over a year now.

I rented Near Dark last night. Finished watching it just a few minutes ago. I have to write a paper on it before Tuesday.

12 Rods are playing the 7th Street Entry tonight if anyone wants to tote me along.

"i wanna be passionate. for someone. i want to be intense. the intensity that you see in someone's eyes when their face is inches from yours." -neptuneschild

Me too.

It is confirmed. I now have a beard.

Today my film budy Sam took me to see Kill Bill V.2! It was an excelent addition to the series.....I'm feelin another one coming on. If you've not seen it, I won't spoil why.

I finished reading Love & Death and woo baby. Courtney's goin down.

After the movie this afternoon Sam and I went to Barnes & Noblezzzz and bought some shiite. I found the second Planetes book. What beautiful Manga can be if there are spaceships and astronauts smoking cigarettes. MMmmmm-hmmm.

I would like a donut.

Date:	2004-04-20 17:38
Subject:	Shit other than Mary Jane having an Anniversary today
Security:	Public
Mood:	creative
Music:	the jesus and mary chain

1841 First detective story is published

1861 Lee resigns from U.S. Army

1871 Ku Klux Act passed by Congress

1945 Operation Corncob is launched while Hitler celebrates his birthday

1964 Crispin Hellion Glover born in New York, NY

1970 The "New York Times" reported that Christian groups had adopted the Beatle's "Yellow Submarine" was a religious symbol.

1978 Korean Air Lines jet forced down over Soviet Union

1999 The massacre at Columbine High School

2004 Jeffrey Curtis Sieck decides he no longer wants two f's in his first name.

Date:	2004-04-18 23:58
Subject:	my media intake for the day
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy
Music:	nirvana - incesticide

Jerred woke me up early by calling a zillion times. This is what he does. And then he doesn't come over for hours and hours and you want to kill him until he arrives and then you just wanna relax. Until the bitching about Molly resumes. But whatever. We watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I'd forgotten what a good film that is. I cannot believe what a good job Alan Rickman did playing the Sheriff of Nottingham. He really pulls off the disgustingness with great precision.

[The Sheriff has said he'll cut out Robin Hood's heart with a spoon]
Guy of Gisbourne: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
Sheriff: Because it's DULL, you twit, it'll hurt more!

And then I went to work and read some of Love & Death, which is surprisingly biographical. These guys did a really good job going to Aberdeen and finding out more about Kurt than anyone else ever had. It's really quite touching.

Then a hellish storm came and our boss sent us home.

Clint and I watched The Dead Pool (a Dirty Harry film) and a few episodes of the best cartoon currently on cable television: This Just In...

I cannot believe how conservative this show is! Amazing. I want more! More!

I love the Spike network to pieces.

Now I'm just bumping around online....

kiad

replicants

kiad

Date:	2004-04-18 11:45
Subject:	Jeff for Boyfriend Campaign 2004
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful
Music:	modest mouse - the moon & antarctica